The International Incident of the "Inimical is a Whore" Pumpkin, or Girl Gamers and the Hatred They Inspire in Each Other

DISCLAIMER: I chose this one as the winner not necessarily because it has the highest humor content (although for those in the know, it has quite a bit!). I chose it because... well, I wanted to okay!?

So as we all know, I play World of Warcraft. And I have for um... almost 5 years. I started because a boy I liked was really into it at the time (all apologies to the boy I was actually dating and who I eventually broke up with for the new boy and for wow...).


For the first few weeks I ran around as a level 6 night elf druid, exploring the wonders of Teldrassil and Darnassus, but unfortunately the boy was already level 60 and was always too busy to play with me. I might have given up on the game right there, if not for this conversation one evening on MSN with my dear friend Sierra:


Well that settled it! To the Stonemaul server I would go, to create a human paladin, Ajala, who would go down in Stonemaul history. There are several more posts I could make about Ajala's many Azerothian adventures, but I'll stick to this for now.

Shortly after re-rolling on the new server, my roommates Maegen and Heather also began to play. I mean, how could they not? They rolled a dwarf hunter and human warrior, respectively.

So this was our crew:


So, trying to get to the point here, but there several important details to note first:

1. We were four cute girls, who all knew each other irl, playing an MMORPG full of nerdy boys. Quickly, we got used to lots of attention.

2. Up until the point when this story begins, we had never really run into another girl in game.

3. We are stereotypical girls in this aspect: we love drama, and we love to gossip about drama.

THIS IS A RECIPE FOR AWESOME DISASTER IN WORLD OF WARCRAFT!

Okay. Sierra, being the experienced level 40 our level 20s, was already in a (somewhat) established guild. Of course g-invites were thrown our way, and we were immediately inducted into the strange video game world of things like "pvp" and "instances" and "ventrilo."


We made friends with most of the guild members, but shortly after we joined, we had our first taste of "guild drama." Long story short, most of the members decided to leave the current guild and join with a larger one that did 40 man raids, like Molten Core and Blackwing Lair. We're talking the big time here people! This guild was called Avenguard.

The new guild welcomed us with open arms. All except one person. Another girl:


Immediately the drama began. This girl (you should know her name's Alyssa, since that is her name, and since she told me specifically I didn't even have the right to use it) was one of THOSE girl gamers. You know what I mean. She giggled loudly on vent, batted her proverbial eyelashes to all the poor geeks, posted slutty pictures of herself on guild forums, constantly made sexual innuendo in guild chat, and all the while was having an e-lationship with a guild member who lived in Australia.

Recall those three important points. This girl did not fly with us!

And we did not fly with her either.

It started in guild chat:


From there went to raid chat:


And moved to vent:


And to the forums:


And even to Myspace:


She kept providing us with entertainment and things to gossip about. Like her $6,000 phone bill to Australia, her obsession with a player named "Pallywacker," her public break-up with Australian boy, her e-rage at the whole guild over choices of officers, her new e-lationship with the new guild leader, and her visiting him in Texas along with another guild member.

Sometime after we had all reached level 60 and were permanent raiders in the guild, another girl joined the guild, character name Titzmcgee. Quickly we befriended this adorable Canadian, and we made an e-club, called the Avenbabes.

(picture courtesy of SenorTaco, another Stonemaul legend)
(click pic to get the full effect!)

Of course we did not include Alyssa.

Because, of course, she continued to be Super Bitch.


After roughly 6 months of this, we arrived at everyone's favorite holiday: HALLOWEEN!

Maegen, Sierra, and I were now renting a house together and decided to have a pumpkin carving party. Because, you know, whats Halloween without carving a grotesque face in the disemboweled carcass of a large orange squash?


As we sat around with our friends the night of the party, we somehow got on the subject of Alyssa aka Inimical. While we were explaining the overall obnoxiousness and whoriness of our arch WoW nemesis, Sierra came up with a brilliant idea for how to carve her pumpkin.

She worked diligently, creating the ultimate message pumpkin:


Much laughter was had. Many pictures were taken. And one of these pictures ended up as Sierra's Myspace profile pic the next day.


Now, Alyssa had a habit of Myspace stalking Sierra and I, to the point where we both had to make our profiles private. But of course this didn't stop her from seeing the picture.

That evening on WoW, I was greeted with ZOMGDRAMA!!

On the forums:


From the guild leader:


From another officer:


And from Alyssa herself:


This girl was DEEPLY OFFENDED that we had DARED to defile the name of her sweet gnome warlock on a PUMPKIN!

Sierra and I were given a firm lecture by the officers. We were told to put Alyssa on ignore in vent and in game, and that she would do the same. If any of us said one word to/about each other again we would be swiftly g-kicked.

Of course this didn't stop us from making a private in-game channel, that half the guild joined:


Since then, my WoW life has been dotted with, thankfully infrequent, Alyssa run-ins, the most recent one being several months ago on her priest, Genteel. Lord, I wish I had a screen shot of this, but four years later she is still filled with rage at the mere sight of me in-game.


Gotta give the girl credit for being able to hold a grudge though.